paperandemotion101
From now on 09/26/2010
 

from now on, i'll try not to make any argues between us. kung mas gusto nya kasama mga barkada ny then i'll let him be with them. I'm too tired to be the a hindrance. I'm too tired to hear any complains. I want him to be happy as much as possible but if letting him with his friends can make him happy fine.. Auko na makigulo. dahil ako lang din ang lumalabas na masama. oo nasasaktan ako whenever he feel more enjoy an happy with them. na kahit kelan hindi ko nakita whenever he's with me. at sobrang sakit talaga. akala ko nagbago na sya hindi pa pala. nagkamli akong i-expect sa sarili kong this time ako na ang priority nya. sobrang disappointed ako talaga today. tama nang magkanya-kanya nalang siguro kami para walang nasasaktab eh noh? dahil kung laging nasa kanila ang atensyon nyang pilit kong ibinabaling sa'kin wala sigurong patutunguhan 'to kundi paulit0ulit nalng at wala nang maganda kahihinatnan. maiintindihan naman nya siguro kung lalayo nalang ako. ayoko na rin kasing magpaubaya. habang sya nagapapakasaya. kahit siya gusto nya ring maging masaya.

Bakit nga ang hirap i-avail ng HAPPINESS does it really need so much effort just to achieve a one second of happiness?? ang hirap naman maging masaya kung ganun. pinili ko sya dahil masaya ako sa kanya. Pero sya?? pinili ba nya ako dahil sa'kin din sya masaya at ganun din ang nararamdaman nya? hindi naman di ba? hindi ko na tuloy ala kung anong dapat kong sabihin sa sarili ko to convince myself why do i have to stay to someone who's not really with thisa. nakipagbalikan sya sa'kin which is favorable to me. he told me promises coz he wants me back pero bakit ganun? ako nalang ba lage ng ako? at anu pang sasabihin ng ibang tao? naa ako lagi ang masama. Na ako lage ang may problema. they will judge me based on what he just said without making any effort to look for deeply inside of it before making reactions. sa totoo lang sana inisip muna niang bago nila kampihan ung tao they are dealing with the real situations hindi ung they aonly based their reactions according  to what the other ones says and never did try to hear the other one also why she/he did it. life's is so unfair. Why can't i be happy.. i deserve to loved din naman di ba? coz deep inside me that i loved him with all of me yet i still not enough. kulang nalang ipagduldulan ko sakanya lahat ng ginagawa ko para mismong siya makita sa mata nyang sobrang nasasaktan na rin ako at kelangan ko rin ng oras, pagiintindi at atensyon nya.

pagbibigyan ko sya kung sakanila ba sya mas sasaya hahayaan ko na sila. hinding hindi na nya ko maririnig na magsasalita in regards to his friends' stuff pagod na pagod na kasi ako ang bigat na ng pakiramdam ko. gusto na rin naman maging masaya....
 
let go 03/31/2010
 
No matter how we tried to hold unto something, and how we tried to fix the that's already broken, the more the pain we get. It may not be sound so surprising when someone give up so easily in a relationship that's already cannot give and take anymore.Sometimes we need to give up the things that we used to hold on for so many years. 

Love doesn't always count on how long you and your partner been through actually it's already useless when both cannot give and take anymore. Only God knows when to stay and when do we have to go. even though it's quiet painful for those who left behind by their love ones they had to admit that they nothing in this world stays, they will walk out on our lives for some reasons,.. they maybe not contented on the love that we're giving, or they maybe just want to seek their selves and find what really makes them happy. 
They say that love doesn't gives us the license to own a person,.. but only gives us the right to care, love and protect them. And when they have to go.. Set them free without hesitation and be thankful enough that he/she gives you a happiness that cannot be bought happiness that makes your day brighter each day. Always remember that if someone walks out.. Someone will walk in. 
 
First 02/18/2010
 
There's a lot of instance that might coming in our lives, "we never know when our time is up 'till it's over". We can say that this time is ours but will it be forever ours? We don't need to do everything to make someone stay, because no matter how hard we try to keep on holding onto someone, the more they want us out of their life. People often says that if we don't want to hurt ourselves then guard our hearts. That's the best way we can do, but how long? I really hate fairy tales, 'coz it only teaches us to dream of a perfect love that really don't exist. And apparently never happens on  reality..  Why does all fairy tales always ends in "happy ending"?  which is different in real life.. love doesn't always come in to a happy ending.. Why does all people always give their all just to win someone's love.. Is it really fair to give and give and don't receive anything in return?

There's a lot of questions running on my mind, one thing really hooks me when someone asks me, why we often fall for someone who really doesn't deserve to be love? I answered her,.. "because at first we never know that the guy we choose to love is the wrong one, until we learn to accept them and get blinded by the love we had for them..".. some says it's okay to suffer because of love as long as it's true, and I really agree with that.. I have been in love and fall so deep. So deep that i can't stand up on my own after that big loss. i love there's no such word of forgetting, only acceptance. The heart never forgets even though we almost find someone to live with our lives, acceptance can only free us from fear. Fear of seeing someone you love happy with someone else.. And only acceptance we keep us from hoping and wishing that, sooner or later the one we love will
I hate those rumors who always says that it's easy to love and let go.