paperandemotion101
 
I know that it's late
And maybe I shouldn't be so into you
It's just that tonight
I am so taken, I've fallen for you
When I look in your eyes I can see
A million possibilities
And I know you'll be leaving me soon
But tonight

Come a little bit closer
Let me hold you baby
I will be good to you
And we can try
To forget tomorrow 
And make it last forever tonight

So if you must go
Know that I'll be missing you, wishing you closer
So let's make the most of these
Moments together, we'll never forget
And it's breaking my heart 'cause I know
That tomorrow you'll be miles away
And I catch myself wanting so much more
Tonight

So if you’re leaving me now
Baby I don't know how
I will ever get over you
Because you opened my eyes
To this love that's inside
Oh baby, don't ever, ever leave me

 
From now on 09/26/2010
 

from now on, i'll try not to make any argues between us. kung mas gusto nya kasama mga barkada ny then i'll let him be with them. I'm too tired to be the a hindrance. I'm too tired to hear any complains. I want him to be happy as much as possible but if letting him with his friends can make him happy fine.. Auko na makigulo. dahil ako lang din ang lumalabas na masama. oo nasasaktan ako whenever he feel more enjoy an happy with them. na kahit kelan hindi ko nakita whenever he's with me. at sobrang sakit talaga. akala ko nagbago na sya hindi pa pala. nagkamli akong i-expect sa sarili kong this time ako na ang priority nya. sobrang disappointed ako talaga today. tama nang magkanya-kanya nalang siguro kami para walang nasasaktab eh noh? dahil kung laging nasa kanila ang atensyon nyang pilit kong ibinabaling sa'kin wala sigurong patutunguhan 'to kundi paulit0ulit nalng at wala nang maganda kahihinatnan. maiintindihan naman nya siguro kung lalayo nalang ako. ayoko na rin kasing magpaubaya. habang sya nagapapakasaya. kahit siya gusto nya ring maging masaya.

Bakit nga ang hirap i-avail ng HAPPINESS does it really need so much effort just to achieve a one second of happiness?? ang hirap naman maging masaya kung ganun. pinili ko sya dahil masaya ako sa kanya. Pero sya?? pinili ba nya ako dahil sa'kin din sya masaya at ganun din ang nararamdaman nya? hindi naman di ba? hindi ko na tuloy ala kung anong dapat kong sabihin sa sarili ko to convince myself why do i have to stay to someone who's not really with thisa. nakipagbalikan sya sa'kin which is favorable to me. he told me promises coz he wants me back pero bakit ganun? ako nalang ba lage ng ako? at anu pang sasabihin ng ibang tao? naa ako lagi ang masama. Na ako lage ang may problema. they will judge me based on what he just said without making any effort to look for deeply inside of it before making reactions. sa totoo lang sana inisip muna niang bago nila kampihan ung tao they are dealing with the real situations hindi ung they aonly based their reactions according  to what the other ones says and never did try to hear the other one also why she/he did it. life's is so unfair. Why can't i be happy.. i deserve to loved din naman di ba? coz deep inside me that i loved him with all of me yet i still not enough. kulang nalang ipagduldulan ko sakanya lahat ng ginagawa ko para mismong siya makita sa mata nyang sobrang nasasaktan na rin ako at kelangan ko rin ng oras, pagiintindi at atensyon nya.

pagbibigyan ko sya kung sakanila ba sya mas sasaya hahayaan ko na sila. hinding hindi na nya ko maririnig na magsasalita in regards to his friends' stuff pagod na pagod na kasi ako ang bigat na ng pakiramdam ko. gusto na rin naman maging masaya....
 
same story 09/05/2010
 
okay.. here's another chapter. He came back with all of his promises. So good to be true. People are always good for nothing isn't it?  I thought this time, he'll be better unlike before that i used to knew him. how sweet the lies are. but now i'm all done with the sufferings he'd caused me, learned to what i supposedly knew in the first place. Maybe it's just not all the people surrounds us deserves another chance. Or maybe they just have to learn from their mistakes and realize how much did they thrown away. Sorry. Can be more meaningful to someone's in pain when the compromiser has something to correct it and never let it happen all over and over again.


Maybe i'm on the right track. no one can say it's wrong. I decided to be more dependent, to be more considerate to my feelings. I've learned to say no to those who keeps on hurting me and to prioritize those who loves me back. 


In my opinion.. wala naman siguro akong dapat pagsisihan lalo na't alam ko sa sarili kong ibinigay ko nang lahat ng kaya kong ibigay to someone who i chose stay. Pero now i realized hini pala enough ung mahal mo lang ung tao kaya ka nagtitiis. At hindi rin sapat na dahilan ung umaasa ka kasing magbabago sya. Coz if he really does want to change his views in life. Sana ginawa na nya un matagal na. Alam kong i committed mistakes also that's why i can't blame him for being rude to me. kaya nga nagkaroon ng word na FORGIVING di ba?. Pagpapatawad. He took away my freedom. Tao lang din ako at gaya nya gusto o rin makameet ng different persons. Hindi ako mag-grow unless he learn to let me search for new things. Wala kas syag tiwala. Hindi nya kasi kayang ibigay ung tiwalang hinihingi ko for the past 3 year and 8 months. 


Alam mo bah kung anong gift nya sa'kin nung birthday ko?? guess what? Break up. How sweet... hindi man lang kinosider ung espesyal na araw na un para sa'kin. mura dito, paghihinala dun, kawalan ng respeto. 


Siguro nga hindi na mainam sa isang relasyon ung i-pursue pa ito kahit alam naman nating wala na talaga. Una sa lahat. sayang sa panahon at oras. pangalawa sayang ung konting pagmamahal na natitira. pangatlo. nagmamahal pa rin kahit alam mung di mo na talaga kaya.


may scenario pang nangyrai that made me realize everything here it is:


Marianne May
bkit ka nkkrelate?

5:19pmMe:

hehehehe.. kase masakit

hehe

bkit nu bang nangyari

5:20pmMarianne May

wala na c mau at shane

5:20pmMe:

bakit

parang di naman nga ko maniwala..

5:20pmMarianne May

wala na tlga

5:20pmMepero gnun tlaga eh.. tiningnan ko ung fb ni mau. ang sweet nila sa primary pic niya

5:21pmMarianne May

hindi nag oopen c mau pro d2 sa fb ko nlalaman mga sama ng loob nya

5:21pmMe

hmmm...

5:21pmMarianne May

kc alam mo nsasaktan nya minsan c shane

5:21pmMe

sabagay.. nagaalangan lang un magsabi kasi baka di xa maintindihan..

5:21pmMarianne May

pro apektado ako

5:21pmMe

physical?or emotional
5:22pm
Marianne May

preho prang tau

5:22pmMe

syempre.. ala naman natin kung anung feeling ng gnun

5:22pmMarianne May

yap kya intindi ko c shane kung bkit ayaw na nya

5:22pmMe

pero sa tingin ko hindi in siguro ginusto ni shane ung iwan sya

tingin m?

5:22pmMarianne May

nag sawa sya keith

ayaw na nya pro naiintndihan ko un

5:24pmMe

hmmmpf.. siguro need lang ni shane ng space

dahil hanggat di sya aalis di marerealise ni mau ung mga nagawa niya

5:24pmMarianne May

saka laking america sya kya intindi ko na pag ayaw na ayaw na tlga

5:24pmMe

sooner or later everything will be okay..

hmmmpf di in natin masasabi un,

5:25pmMarianne May

pinaintndi ko nga un kay mau kgbi sbi ko d pa cla mag asawa cnasaktan na nya c shane..alam nman daw nya un

5:25pmMe

nagflashed back anaman 2loy lahat sakin hehe

5:26pmMarianne May

kya nga eh..nkakaawa c shane..lam ko mhirap din sa knya pro ayaw na nya tlga eh

5:26pmMe

mga lalaki kasi madalas hindi kayang iexpress through words ung nararamdam nila

tngin mo tama bang ecision ni shane?

5:27pmMarianne May

oo kc mtalino sya iba sya mag isip..laking america sya..kpag ayaw na ayaw na tlga

5:27pmMe

sana ganun din ako magisip nun hehehe

5:28pmMarianne May

iba tau eh

pro alam mo kieth naawa ako kay mau..

5:28pmMe

oo nga masyadong matiisin.

5:28pmMarianne May

andun kc cla kahapon sa bhay..3wiks d ngpunta c shane..

5:28pmMe

syempre ikaw nakakita kung panu nya dinamdam un..

5:29pmMarianne May

alam ko wala na cla nun kc nga nbbsa ko mga saloobin ni mau d2 sa fb

5:29pmMe

ahh so matagal-tagal na rin pla siilang di ok?

ahh...gnun bah,.. mahirap yan.

5:29pmMarianne May

oo..kya affected ako..minsan d kumakain c mau

5:29pmMe

tsk tsk.

5:30pmMarianne Mayumuuwi ng gbi cguro nglilibang

5:30pmMe

talaga? alam mo much better kug yayain mu sya gumala dun sa mga places na hindi pa nila napupuntahan

5:30pmMarianne May

pro ngttxt cla..minsan kc nkktxt c mau sakin pag wala syang load..ok nman cla

5:30pmMe

one way un para makalimmt sya.

gnun din kasi ginawa ko nun. nga lang ako lang magisa nagpupunta

5:31pmMarianne May

lgi wala c mau eh..ska d ko alam kung pano ko approach

5:31pmMe

parang natural lang like " ui punta tau sa ganito, ganyan may blah blah dun..

gets mo? hehehe

5:32pmMarianne May

ngttxt cla..mgkasama lgi sa skul..sa mga gala evry weekends..sa 3wiks na un walang ngbgo..wala na cla pro ok cla

yap yap

5:32pmMe

nga pala di ba sabi ko sau nagtetext sakin si xtian?

5:32pmMarianne May

oo

bkit

5:32pmMe

nagkaaus kami pero wala rin,.

siguro mga two weeks lang..

5:33pmMarianne May

tlga

5:33pmMe

parang d q na rin kilala sarili ko

hindi na ko apektado kung anu sabihin nya.

5:33pmMarianne May

yap gets ko..

5:33pmMe

madalas nagaaway pa rin kmi,

eto wala na ulit pero di ko ramdam ung skit

5:34pmMarianne May

bka tlgang ayaw mo na sya

5:34pmMe

ewan ko.. pero mahal ko pa rin.

nga lang wala na dun ung feeling na used to feel before..

5:34pmMarianne May

ganun tlga kc nga dba 1st mo sya

5:35pmMe

di ko ineexpect na magkakaganito ako

5:35pmMarianne May

un na lng cguro ung nrramdaman mo

5:35pmMe

oo

peo iba na talaga. sabi nya pa parang di na rraw nya ramdam ung gaya ng dati.

5:35pmMarianne May

ganun tlga

ngbbgo nman hat dba

parang c shane kay mau

5:36pmMe

hehehe pero gusto ko ung pakiramdam na ganito

5:36pmMarianne May

tama yan

5:36pmMe

oo nga eeh. kaya naiintindihan ko side ni shane.

nga lang ang tagaaaaaaal bago ko natauhan

kau mommy

musta naman kau ni daddy

5:37pmMarianne May

ok kmi

5:37pmMe

buti naman...

^^

5:37pmMarianne May

d na kmi mgkasama pro ok kmi

stay na sya sa knila

5:37pmMe

ahh o nga pala..

ok lang un.. basta ok kau mas mahalga un

5:38pmMarianne May

react na mga pinsan ko sa post ko

oo nga

5:38pmMe

oo nga ehh nakikita ko

5:38pmMarianne May

nbsa mo dba???

5:38pmMeone year din sila dibah??mahigit

5:38pmMarianne Mayung Eg un ung kapatid namin na pinaampon namin

2yrs mhigit cla

5:39pmMeouch 2yrs na pala bilis talga ng panahon.

5:39pmMarianne Mayoo

d pa umuuwi c mau

ddting na nanay ko mmya

5:40pmMe

alam na ba ng mama mo

5:40pmMarianne May

ngtxt na ko knina pro d ngrreply

5:41pmMeahh... ganun bah.

5:41pmMarianne May

alam nya din na affected ako kc nbanggit ko 1tym na nkkta ko d2 sa fb mga saloobin ni mau

5:41pmMe

sad din siguro un kase anak na turing nun ke shane

5:41pmMarianne May

oo..pag nga nag aaway cla mas knakampihan ni nanay c shane eh

awang awa ako kay maui

5:42pmMe

oo babae kasi..buti nga ganun kami nun mas papanigan pa nun si xtian then sasabihan pa ko mismo na madami pa daw iba

5:43pmMarianne May

kc c shane wala d2 m0mmy nya

kya kmi ni nanay c0ncern tlga sa knya kya ganun

5:43pmMe

ok lang yn.. it'll make him a better person.. para sa next gf man nya di na sya manakit

eh sinu guidance nya dito???

5:44pmMarianne May

tta at lola

5:44pmMe

ahh ganun bah...

eh si shane nakakatext mu bah

5:45pmMarianne May

sbi mau kya daw nya un nggwa kc mahal nya c shane..pro sbi ko d pa nman cla mag asawa pra saktan nya ng ganun c shane

hindi

5:45pmMe

oo hindi naman porke mhal nya ganun na..

5:46pmMarianne May

kya nga eh..pinapaintndi ko kay mau na tanggapin na lng na ayaw na sknya ni shane..alam nmn daw nya..hindi lng daw tlga nya kaya

5:46pmMe

lahat namn ng tao ayaw masaktan lalo na kng pisikal na ang pinaguusapan

5:47pmMarianne May

oo nman..alam ko ndala na c shane

5:47pmMe

sabagay.. di kasi ganun kadai un

kahit sinu naman neng..

5:47pmMarianne May

ayaw na nya tlga

sbi ni mau meron na daw iba c shane..sbi nman ni shane wala daw

5:47pmMe

walang ibang makaktulong sa kapatid mu kundi sarili nya lang

5:48pmMarianne May

mhirap un pra sa knya kc magclasm8s cla eh

5:48pmMe

hmmpf iniisip nya lang un..kasi gaya nga ng sinabi mu di nya kayang tanggapin na iniwan sya dahil sa gingawa nya..

ayts.. oo nga pala..

takteng buhay nga naman

hiraaaap nyan

nakapagusap ba sila nung nagbreak sila

5:49pmMarianne May

ako tlga nhihirapan lalo na kgbi nung yumakap c mau sakin at umiyak sya

d ko napigilan sarili ko pti ako umiyak na din

5:50pmMe

hmmmpf... i feel u sis..

5:50pmMarianne May

1st tym un neng

d nya na cguro kinaya

5:50pmMe

ganun talaga..

kaw ba naman kasi araw araw mo makita ung taong nging psrt ng life mo

5:51pmMarianne May

kya ngmakaawa tlga ko kay shane na wag iwan c mau na ganun ang itsura bka kc kung anong gawin wala pa nman c nanay

5:51pmMe

tamaaah:(

pagusapin mu sila ng maayos hirap kasi magmove on kapag an dami mung tanong sa saili mo..

5:52pmMarianne May

dba ang hirap..fb lng libangan nya sa bhay..syempre nga nman dun nya lng mailalabas sama ng loob nya

mhirap tlga lalo lgi pa cla mgsama sa skul

5:53pmMe

oo tma ka dun.. try nya kay gumawa ng personal blog.. mas maganda pag may ganun kasi mas nailalabas nya lahat..fb kasi limited lang hehehe

5:53pmMarianne May

cguro gusto din nya mbsa ni shane

5:54pmMe

hmpf di naman manhid un si shane.. tinitiis lang din nun ung sakit.

5:55pmMarianne May

oo..pro cguro sa icp nya enough na ang 2yrs kya nkipagbreak na sya

haiz...gabi na wala pa c mau

5:55pmMe

hmmmpf...mali lang ni shane pinatagal nya pah... siguro umasa syang magbabago pakikitungo sakanya ni mau

itext mu na kaya

5:56pmMarianne May

mahal din kc nya c mau

5:56pmMe

baka kung san na mapadpad un

5:56pmMarianne May

wala sya cp ngaun..kay shane ako ngttxt sbi nsa tropa daw kgbi pa..after daw sya ihatid kgbi ngpunta daw sa tropa

sbi uuwi daw kgbi pro hindi umuwi

5:57pmMe

ahh so naguusap pa pala sila???ni shane?

5:58pmMarianne May

oo..un nga kgbi ngpunta c shane sa bhay..tas nag inom clang 2..nrinig ko na lng nag aaway na kya nakialam nako

5:59pmMe

ahh talaga,

whew!

panu nga nman sila makakamove n kung ganyan

6:00pmMarianne May

parang normal nga lng..wala na cla pro ok cla..sa gala mgksama iisa cla ng tropa..ngttxt padin

cguro kgbi dala ng lasing kya umabot na nman sa sakitan

6:00pmMe

hmmmpf eh di lalong mahiirapan nga si mau dun

6:00pmMarianne May

kya nga eh..

umawat ako kc c shane sumisigaw na ayaw na nya

c mau nman sbi pagbgyan lng sya gusto nya mag usap cla

6:02pmMe

ahh ganun bah... hmmpf mukhang malalim na talaga ung sama ng loob ni shane

6:02pmMarianne May

oo.ramdam ko un

ayaw nga paawat na umuwi eh..

ngmakaawa lng ako

6:03pmMe

anu sabi ni mau?

6:03pmMarianne May

sbi ko hayaan na lng na ihatid sya ni mau

6:03pmMe

damn... grabe ah..

6:03pmMarianne May

ayaw ni mau na umalis c shane na d sya ksama kya ako ang ngmakaawa kay shane

buong buhay ko dun ko lng npkta kay ung pgiging ate ko sa knya

6:04pmMe

kasi nakainum eh dba? hays...

hmmpf syempre alam mong kelangan nah

6:05pmMarianne May

oo..sbi ni mau khit wala na gusto nya walang mangyri kay shane na msama..

d kc un sanay bumyahe na mag isa

naawa ako kay shane pro mas naawa ako kay mau..

6:06pmMe

ahh oo tsaka babae sya nuh..nakainum pa delikado talaga

6:06pmMarianne May

grabe itsura ni mau kgbi..prang ako lng pag msama ang loob

6:06pmMe

hmmmpf.. love nya talga si shane nga lang di nya alam kung panu itreat ng maaus si shane

6:07pmMarianne May

oo..mainitin din kc ulo ni mau

haiz kieth.

6:07pmMe

ahh kelangan nya matutunan ng word na PATIENCE

6:08pmMarianne May

pro huli na ang lahat

6:08pmMe

dahil hanggat wala un sa bokabularyo nya wala kahihinatnan un samahan nila

un nga ehh.

6:08pmMarianne May

ngaun cguro nrerealize nya mga gnwa nya pro wala na eh sumuko na c shane

6:09pmMe

pero hindi nga lang din naman si shane ang pwede nyang mahalin.. sooner or later makakhanap din sya ng bago nyang katapat pero sana that time may PATIENCE na sya

wala naman pagsisising nauuna

6:09pmMarianne May

korek

salamat kieth sa tym

mag out nako ha..nag rent lng kc ko eh

6:10pmMe

no probs.. nakikisypatya lang hehe

ingat

sa paguwi

6:10pmMarianne May

parting na din kc c nanay

6:11pmMe

ah ok ingat!!^^

laro mu na si ako

6:11pmMarianne May

sbi ko na nga dami mgrereact sa post ko

hehehe

6:11pmMe

hehehe oo isa na ko

6:11pmMarianne May

ung una ngreact kapatid namin un

6:11pmMe

now ko lang kasi nabasa

6:11pmMarianne May

nbsa mo dba?un ung pinaampon namin

knina ko lng nman post un

6:13pmMarianne May

geh neng bye muna

6:15pmMarianne May is offline.




now i know.. hindi lang pala ako ang nakakaramdam ng ganito. i feel sorry for mau and feel impressed due to shane's bravery to stand back may option nga nman kasi. hays.. i've been on the same situation. letting go and holding back.. and they're both painful.. signing off kieth

 
perceptions 06/24/2010
 
It’s quite hard and painful when some things are kept and found it out through those who you’ve just meet once, and then instead of admitting, they’ll cover the lie of another lie. How sweet. It’s quite acceptable when we know that they did this for better. But it isn’t right when they do it for their own sake. Never realizing that they hurt people who lived them most. And when two of you argued, sometimes they’ll put the blame on us. Saying “it’s you why I am acting like this! It’s you and I only want to be fair to myself.” How sad isn’t. people sometimes blind or numb to feel that someone’s changing. And all they have to do is to open their eyes to see and appreciate every effort we made to satisfy them. They say “people may doubt you on what you say but they will always believe o what you sincerely do.” But we can’t blame someone who won’t believe us on what we’re saying if they also doubt everything we do.   I’m not perfect to be the girl that someone’s dreamed of. It’s just me. And I don’t have to be in somebody else’s shoe to reach their expectations. Sometimes it gave me such envious thoughts and insecurity. I can’t blame people to judge me based on negative rumors rushing on me. The hell I care. I’m not perfect just like the way they think they are. Sometimes it’s better to be alone in this world rather than with someone who just do nothing but hurt your feelings and making the least of their priorities. Feeling neglected and rejected at some point. I know it’s not my time to love again. I know that this pain won’t take too long. Time has its own way of healing. Broken hearts will be healed soon. And what’s really bad about being me is I always seemed to be altruistic and optimistic. That even on the darkest day of my life I still smile. Enjoy everything and try to forget the things that used to broke my heart. I’m not that numb as what they think I am. I cry when my heart cannot handle the pain any longer. And smile when things got better. They say moving on is an easy thing if we already know hoe to accept everything. Life is about letting go, accepting and loving. Letting go of those who we think really had to go. We cannot force them as long as we want them here. God lets us borrow these people for a reason. And when God has finally want them out of your life, let go. We may meet them on the halfway but it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Accepting, the fact that people must come and go. Accept and face the reality with a clear mind, happy heart and continue pushing through the life’s gift. We an let go every pieces if you started to accept everything. And be contented and happy in the life that’s left for you. The last one loves. After such a deep fall we might see things in complicated angles. We feel fear. Fear of losing. Fear of rejection. We should wiser enough to choose whom we will love. God has a better plan so give him a time to heal your wounds that caused by people you thought could last forever at your side. Life is about you and God. Don’t get rush to find someone who’ll replace them in your life. There’s a perfect time of everything. 
 
the real thing 06/20/2010
 
Another stage of moving on, although sometimes i thought it would be better if i won't hold on my pride anymore. But there's something in my head keeps me thinking, if i give up my pride will he give up his pride just like the way i did? Pride is one of the reasons m\why two people don't make it.  I love him still and no matter how i try to get him back the more the pain I get, maybe it's better for me to move forward and then meet new people and enjoy the blessings that life offers me.


They say "sometimes it takes even great courage to stay away and leave things behind." Now i'm confused, is it really better for me to stay away and keep myself hurting. I know where I truly belongs and i know where i'll be happy.. It's with him only, but i guess it's too late for us to start another chapter of our love story. Someone, Somewhere owns him now. He has everything and I have no one. Well I don't want to have other people to support me and use them as a remedy. I'm not like that. I wanted to move on with my life yet i'm still holding onto the past.. 


I know that god has a better plans for us. But no matter how I tried to forget everything and pretend to be fine he's still the biggest part of  me that no one could ever replace. no one but him. I've got a lot say to him yet he's not there to listen every word that i will utter. 


How i wish that i could tell n\him how i am lost without him and feeling empty. How i wish could tell him that it's still me. nothing has changed. I'm still that girl whom he used to love with all of his heart. I'm still the girl who's always there for him whenever he needs me, that I am still the girl who always stays when everything walks away from him. Someone who still hold on and never surrenders. how i wish he could love me again and never leave my side forever more. No matter what i says here won't help, in fact he'll never know everything. Coz he's away and having fun with his peers. And loving the girl she's loving right now.
 
 
I'm not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiosity
Now that its over
What else could it be he just had to cheat

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

[Chorus:]
(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I got life to do
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
But this time its different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

Its a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
'Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around

[Chorus x2]

No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when its right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone else's life

[Chorus]

(But) I'm not missing you
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me
(I'm not missing you)
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
(I got life to do)
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
(I used to hate it)
Oh different, oh see the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and hoping you call me (knockin' at my door)
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you gone
Oh different, feel the distance
I'm not missing
I'm not missing you

I'm not missing
I'm not missing you(yeah, oooh)
I'm not missing you (oh baby)
I'm not missing you 

 
Confession 05/14/2010
 
The truth... I thought I've known him very well.. But apparently I was wrong.. I shouldn't be so affected and feeling betrayed today, but somethings aren't just clear for me.. I'll try my best to understand everything.. I need to hear all his explanations.. And I was hoping that those words were true.. I cant believe that he let me live in a lie.. 

I trusted him with all of me.. But I end up very disappointed. I love him to be honest to myself. And I will accept his past no matter how bad it is.  I know that i should have known him so well before loving him. And I admit my mistake. But I guess it isn't too late for us. I was still hoping that everything between us will be settled and everything will be back to the way they were.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

..I love him so much, I need to hear his part. And I know, he doesn't have any intention to hurt me just like this.. Pilit naman iniintindi ng makitid kong utak ung lahat ng bagay na nangyayari sa'min pero kung talagang wala syang balak mag-explain sa lahat ng nalaman ko, maybe it's better for us to separate our ways nalang talaga.

That night  gusto ko na talagang umiyak dahil nasaktan ako syempre dahil akala ko siya na ang pinakamatino sa'ming dalawa. nakakalungkot isipin na hindi maganda ung naging resulta ng pakikipagrelasyon ko sakanya pero sana malaman nya na sobrang mahal na mahal ko sya. Hindi man nya ito nakikita or naa-appreciate,.. willing naman akong ipakita at iparamdam sakanya ito araw-araw, pero kahit siya hindi nya ko binibigyan ng chance at isa un sa pinaka-masakit na part sa relationship namin. Gustuhin ko man ibalilk ung mga bagay-bagay sa dati wala rin silbi dahil kahit siya hindi gumagawa ng effort para mag-work ung relationship namin.. pero kung wala na talaga i shuld try to accept the fact and let him do what really makes him happy...
 
the call 04/21/2010
 
Someone calls me a while ago,.. It's his mom.. she send me a message, meanwhile she called. Actually i'm quiet nervous and have a conclusion well it's all about him of course.. She asked me about what happened last week when we had a misunderstanding and show disrespect to his step-father.. it hurts me honestly,.. then she said,.. "how serious is your relationship between my son?".. while she's talking about us my mind is running somewhere I don't actually know what to say and i was wondering if all my answers satisfies her.. Then finally she said "there's a lot of guy out there, someone who's better than my son. someone who will give you better life soon,.. Are you and my son planning to be settled soon?".. i told her  no we're not. and then she added,.. marriage isn't that good, marriage ruins everything, It creates family however it creates striving.. i felt sad,.. and apparently i am trying to understand everything she said. But my head wasn't working very well today (hahaha) I was stupid when it comes to love matter.. as everyone knows.. after that call, i remebered the things my mom said to him a year ago,.. I don't want to think that she doesn't like me for her son,.. then one last thing flashed back.. When her mother called me and put all the blame on me.. I decided not to tell him about this coz thats another story i know.. I don't want them to argue because of me now what i'm thinking is,.. do i have to stay or just go,. I don't want to gone in the wind without a word but i think it's much better to do it that way,.. honestly i don't know what to do.. If i stay, i know his mother will think bad against me,.. if i go,.. christian will think that i leave him for other reason. im confused. i just don't know what to do.. please help me.. I wanted to ask for an advice to my best friend but i don't think he will understands me. I wanted to tell everything i feel today but something stops me... i
 
Post Title. 04/06/2010
 
Seems like everything happens for a reason and god never gives us a problem that we cannot overcome.. I'm so happy that everything's fine between us AGAIN
 
let go 03/31/2010
 
No matter how we tried to hold unto something, and how we tried to fix the that's already broken, the more the pain we get. It may not be sound so surprising when someone give up so easily in a relationship that's already cannot give and take anymore.Sometimes we need to give up the things that we used to hold on for so many years. 

Love doesn't always count on how long you and your partner been through actually it's already useless when both cannot give and take anymore. Only God knows when to stay and when do we have to go. even though it's quiet painful for those who left behind by their love ones they had to admit that they nothing in this world stays, they will walk out on our lives for some reasons,.. they maybe not contented on the love that we're giving, or they maybe just want to seek their selves and find what really makes them happy. 
They say that love doesn't gives us the license to own a person,.. but only gives us the right to care, love and protect them. And when they have to go.. Set them free without hesitation and be thankful enough that he/she gives you a happiness that cannot be bought happiness that makes your day brighter each day. Always remember that if someone walks out.. Someone will walk in.