It’s quite hard and painful when some things are kept and found it out through those who you’ve just meet once, and then instead of admitting, they’ll cover the lie of another lie. How sweet. It’s quite acceptable when we know that they did this for better. But it isn’t right when they do it for their own sake. Never realizing that they hurt people who lived them most. And when two of you argued, sometimes they’ll put the blame on us. Saying “it’s you why I am acting like this! It’s you and I only want to be fair to myself.” How sad isn’t. people sometimes blind or numb to feel that someone’s changing. And all they have to do is to open their eyes to see and appreciate every effort we made to satisfy them. They say “people may doubt you on what you say but they will always believe o what you sincerely do.” But we can’t blame someone who won’t believe us on what we’re saying if they also doubt everything we do.   I’m not perfect to be the girl that someone’s dreamed of. It’s just me. And I don’t have to be in somebody else’s shoe to reach their expectations. Sometimes it gave me such envious thoughts and insecurity. I can’t blame people to judge me based on negative rumors rushing on me. The hell I care. I’m not perfect just like the way they think they are. Sometimes it’s better to be alone in this world rather than with someone who just do nothing but hurt your feelings and making the least of their priorities. Feeling neglected and rejected at some point. I know it’s not my time to love again. I know that this pain won’t take too long. Time has its own way of healing. Broken hearts will be healed soon. And what’s really bad about being me is I always seemed to be altruistic and optimistic. That even on the darkest day of my life I still smile. Enjoy everything and try to forget the things that used to broke my heart. I’m not that numb as what they think I am. I cry when my heart cannot handle the pain any longer. And smile when things got better. They say moving on is an easy thing if we already know hoe to accept everything. Life is about letting go, accepting and loving. Letting go of those who we think really had to go. We cannot force them as long as we want them here. God lets us borrow these people for a reason. And when God has finally want them out of your life, let go. We may meet them on the halfway but it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Accepting, the fact that people must come and go. Accept and face the reality with a clear mind, happy heart and continue pushing through the life’s gift. We an let go every pieces if you started to accept everything. And be contented and happy in the life that’s left for you. The last one loves. After such a deep fall we might see things in complicated angles. We feel fear. Fear of losing. Fear of rejection. We should wiser enough to choose whom we will love. God has a better plan so give him a time to heal your wounds that caused by people you thought could last forever at your side. Life is about you and God. Don’t get rush to find someone who’ll replace them in your life. There’s a perfect time of everything. 

the real thing


Another stage of moving on, although sometimes i thought it would be better if i won't hold on my pride anymore. But there's something in my head keeps me thinking, if i give up my pride will he give up his pride just like the way i did? Pride is one of the reasons m\why two people don't make it.  I love him still and no matter how i try to get him back the more the pain I get, maybe it's better for me to move forward and then meet new people and enjoy the blessings that life offers me.

They say "sometimes it takes even great courage to stay away and leave things behind." Now i'm confused, is it really better for me to stay away and keep myself hurting. I know where I truly belongs and i know where i'll be happy.. It's with him only, but i guess it's too late for us to start another chapter of our love story. Someone, Somewhere owns him now. He has everything and I have no one. Well I don't want to have other people to support me and use them as a remedy. I'm not like that. I wanted to move on with my life yet i'm still holding onto the past.. 

I know that god has a better plans for us. But no matter how I tried to forget everything and pretend to be fine he's still the biggest part of  me that no one could ever replace. no one but him. I've got a lot say to him yet he's not there to listen every word that i will utter. 

How i wish that i could tell n\him how i am lost without him and feeling empty. How i wish could tell him that it's still me. nothing has changed. I'm still that girl whom he used to love with all of his heart. I'm still the girl who's always there for him whenever he needs me, that I am still the girl who always stays when everything walks away from him. Someone who still hold on and never surrenders. how i wish he could love me again and never leave my side forever more. No matter what i says here won't help, in fact he'll never know everything. Coz he's away and having fun with his peers. And loving the girl she's loving right now.